My struggle with alcoholism goes back to my teenage years.
At 15 I can remember the first time I had drank alcohol, it was friday night and I was with all my friends from school. We were at my dad’s beach house for the weekend and had free reign.
What started off as a fun night and innocent adolescent weekend of drinking with friends, started me off on a bad trend that manifested into addiction without me even knowing it. You never really know how bad your drinking or alcoholism is until one you see how bad you have really become. The scary part is that may have never happened if I hadn’t sought help.
A Developing Habit
It wasn’t long after that weekend that I began to drink regularly, at night, at school, and even some mornings. I never noticed it was a bad thing because it seemed edgy and cool but the alcohol had metastasized itself into so many aspects of my life that I hadn’t realized the true danger.
The early beginnings of me drinking were mostly fun positive memories, and even now that I see alcohol as a negative catalyst in my life I do see how it could be beneficial in moderation.
But the road to ruin was paved on good intentions, and even though drinking didn’t start off bad it began ruining my life before I knew it. That’s why I often preach to those that seek solace from the bottom of the bottle to be we ary and aware of alcoholism. Just seeing your doctor to talk about your drinking habits is always good even if you don’t think you have a problem.
How I Knew I Had Become an Alcoholic
It was until I was around 26, I had a decent job, college degree, and still was in contact with family and friends, but I ignored all the negative signs in my life. After getting married right after high school my husband and I were in a codependent relationship intertwined with constant drinking and sometimes physical abuse. I allowed the alcohol to become an excuse and I allowed myself to use it as a coping mechanism to my own trauma. My drinking persisted and even though I was still going to work and managing my alcoholism, it had become a crutch, a health issue, and my ability to drown out my surroundings.
The Signs of Alcoholism
It’s important to know the signs of Alcoholism because then you can catch yourself before you fall asleep and lose control. Some of the most prominent early signs in which I ignored were:
- Continuing to drink causing negative family turmoil
- Engaging in risky behavior whilst drinking (driving, working, going to school)
- Over time, drinking more alcohol to achieve the desired effects
- Maybe you think you need a drink to get you through the day, but in actuality you may have a much more deeply rooted issue that needs to be looked at by a professional.
Mental Health and Alcoholism
I made the biggest mistake and waited until alcohol completely ravaged my life, my relationship fell apart, I nearly lost my job, lost tons of money in court, and slowly destroyed relationships with my family. I became sad and depressed and it pushed me to my personal limits. I tell everyone that thinks they may have an issue drinking to always take a deeper look at yourself.
Oftentimes alcoholism and depression go hand in hand. It is very common to have a co-occurring disorder and oftentimes the two disorders amplify each other. The best thing you can do if you feel like your mental health is low, is not to ignore it whilst seeking assistance from the bottom of the bottle, but to reach out and find a mental health provider or an alcohol addiction treatment center that will help you make a full recovery.
Recovering From Alcoholism
I would be a liar if I said recovering from alcoholism was easy, it was one of the hardest obstacles in my life, but also one of my greatest achievements. To be able to reanalyze your past, see where you went wrong and learn how you can become a better person is the most empowering thing someone can go through. You can never think “it is too late for me” because the life you want is around the corner you just have to realize it. Alcoholism brought me down so low but the climb back to us was that much more rewarding. Reaching out to help is not about not having the will power, that is being smart enough to realize your own downfalls and build yourself back up stronger.